Helping an Older Adult through the Grieving Process

When we think of older adults dealing with grief, we might expect them to handle the situation better than younger persons because of experience and maturity. Some seniors face grief stoically and with resolve. They appear to move through the process without problems. However, for others, losing a spouse or other loved one is very difficult. Regardless of the level of distress a grieving person feels, he or she benefits from the support that family and close friends can offer.

Some people are not comfortable being around someone who is grieving because they don't know exactly what to say. However, knowing what to say is not a requirement for helping an older adult through grief. In fact, just being there might be the most important thing you can do for a senior who is grieving.

Be There

Immediately after the loss of a loved one, an older adult may feel overwhelmed. Funeral planning, welcoming guests into the home and worrying about the future can become too much for the individual to handle. Letting the grieving person know that they don't have to go it alone provides a sort of safety net. When there is a death in the family routine tasks such as answering the telephone become major. Screening telephone calls and house sitting when the individual must leave home to handle funeral arrangements are some ways friends can help reduce anxiety during this very trying time.

Offer a Listening Ear

Sometimes a grieving senior simply needs the ear of a compassionate friend who does not feel the need to give advice. A person who is in the midst of grief experiences a whole range of emotions such as shock, fear, and anger. In addition to losing someone very close, the grieving person faces an uncertain future. Talking about the experience and having a shoulder to cry on can help aid in emotional healing, as having someone to listen without being judgmental can be very therapeutic.

Remember that Grief is Very Personal

Well-meaning friends often don't know what to say to an older adult who is grieving. Statements like "she is better off," may not be helpful. Due to cultural and religious beliefs concerning the afterlife, some people might feel that a loved one is not "better off." Telling a person that “time will heal the pain” may not be appropriate. There may be unresolved issues or guilt that can linger for years. People who are grief stricken may have similar experiences, but each situation is unique. Making a statement such as “I know how you feel,” implies that everyone goes through the same grief experience.

What is most important for a grieving person is being there. "I love you and I am here for you,” is often what a senior who is experiencing grief needs to hear.

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